"What?! Is this even a question? Stewart would kill Obama. It'd be embarrassing. Canada would love it."

You seem quite certain. Isn't Obama considered a superior orator?

"Perhaps. But, Obama writes his speeches prior to delivering them. I assume Stewart does the same. But, Stewart interviews people everyday. He's constantly supplying witty, off the cuff, insights and humor. Essentially, he's free-styling every single day."

The Great Cool Off is on.

A LOT CAN HAPPEN IN EIGHT MONTHS. Eight months ago, the recently-medaled Winter Olympians were still applying sunscreen, preparing for national team selections and the realization of their athletic dreams. Eight months ago, most Americans still thought about flying pigs when they heard the words "Swine Flu." Eight months ago, Tiger Woods enjoyed ubiquitous fame for all the right reasons. And eight months ago, the last issue of the Stoodio 32 webzine dropped. Hopefully none of you were holding your breath, ecause youfd all be dead.

With great pride and perhaps a pinch of trepidation, I present Stoodio 32fs 8th issue, 'The Great Cool Off.'

Our Feature Columns this issue include a cliff-hanging adventure with Canadafs rock climbing sensation Regan Kennedy, a pointed piece presenting New Yorkfs tap dancing phenomenon Sam Weinstock, and the tasty tale of the Seattle-based energy gel company, Chocolate #9.

Our Column Episodes are equally impressive.

Clydesdale Jones assumes the helm of eThe Doppio Life.f For his first episode, Clyde shares an experience from the front seat of a tandem bicycle as he and his girl friend Cheeka Pink ride the two hundred miles from Seattle, WA to Portland, OR. His tale is full of heart-break, personal triumph, and "Sexy Time."

My FAVE excerpt reads, gWe applied power to our pedals, catching the weak and under-prepared. Instead of shouting, eOn your leftf we shouted, eDonft worry, wefll send an ambulance.fh

* * * * *

A lot has happened in the eLife of Harmf over the past eight months. In early November Mr. Harm quit his job, sold most of his possessions and departed upon a journey with only the barest of necessities. Ifm hoping his necessities included an iPhone, a beach towel, and at least two-dozen king-size Snickers bars.

My FAVE excerpt reads, gFlesh and blood porn stars, naked and famous, stood in front of thirty-foot-tall posters of themselves. Their billboard faces, wide open, were seven times larger than life, towering over the reality of who they actually were.h

* * * * *
Late last summer, Byron Go went to Burning Man. Since that time hefs hugged roughly two thousand strangers, taken six showers, and quadrupled his investment in clothing items containing sequins, fur, and the color pink. By blending eloquent wordplay with vibrant imagery, Byronfs latest eWords that Gof episode attempts to accomplish the impossible: Honest documentation of his experience in the desert with 50,000 of his new, favorite friends.

My FAVE excerpt reads, gImagine awakening to the nearly full moon, to a city in the dust, to the lights and the slowly plodding mutant vehicles dressed up in drag and dragon and live with colors.h

* * * * *

In an attempt to bring further balance (and perhaps intelligence) to our webzine, we've proudly added the talents of Mr. Tom Wise. Tom is a fitfully witty writer, an in-focus photographer, and a classically trained ballet dancer (seriously). Interestingly, Justin Timberlake also wanted to write a column. But, despite our personal history (Guess who 'Cry me a River' was REALLY about?), Stoodio 32 had to say, "Sorry, JT. We've only got room for one triple threat." Tom's column, eThe Wise Connectionf bridges the gap between pop culture and current affairs.

My FAVE excerpt reads, gA car sits parked at the beach, engine running, lights shining over the water, the owner is kissing a woman. Hefs thinking about titties. But the fish in the water are probably thinking that the world is ending, or at least that the moon has sprouted a twin. In fish-talk these two things probably sound a lot alike.h
* * * * *

After traveling to Los Angeles, where he canoodled with Lindsey Lohan, arm-wrestled with Wesley Snipes and break-danced with David Hasselhoff (who knew the Hoff could break-dance?), Chizzle NikWick has swung back into town just in time to drop off new episodes of eChronicles of NikWickf and eQuickShot.f Chizzle pokes fun at his good friend, David eF*ckingf Atik, Mr. Lance Armstrong, and basically anyone else who's ever worn spandex. Yes, Hoff, this means you.

My FAVE excerpt from his eChronicles of Nikwickf episode reads, gSeconds later, I was hit by what felt like a truck. With a crashing bang, the porta-potty smashed onto its side, causing the wall to cave in and bubblegum-scented poop to splash up into my spandex shorts.h

* * * * *

It's interesting. Of the twenty thousand readers this webzine happily enjoys, roughly ninety-nine (and a half) percent of those readers identify with either the title eathletef or eartistf (the other half percent identify with the title eMomf or eDad.f). With that in mind, every single story in Stoodio 32 was created by and for these athletes and artists. However, one story doesnft draw obvious parallels between the two. This certain story remains innocently buried near the bottom of our home page. Itfs advertised the least and read the most. So, I only further enforce popular opinion by stating, gThank you for existing 'Honey Spark.' I HEART you.h In this episode, Honey recounts two sexual experiences with other women, one as an inexperienced child and the other as a trained professional.

My FAVE excerpt reads, gfWhich brings me to the second rule: No doubt, you fellas are fabulous in bed, and at least one of you might have some suggestions as to what we should be doing to each other. Rule number two is that you keep these thoughts to yourself.f I thumb the outside of Bambifs thong and giggle. eI promise Bambi and I know exactly what the other likes, so youfll have to trust us.fh
* * * * *

Again, thank you to every one who contributed to this issue. You make it happen.

And to our readers: Thank you as well. You are who we make it happen for.

Enjoy the issue.

-Chad C. Nikolz

The Publisher